So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
