So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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