They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
did i walk over a car last night?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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