found the other keg... it's in the tree
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
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