I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
