I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
