I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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