I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
