Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize