well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
