Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
