Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
