i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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