my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
