My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize