i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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