I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
