marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
