yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
