went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
