People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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