She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
