It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize