if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
