There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
