we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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