Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I will pee on everything he values.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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