Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
