You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
