if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
