When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
