WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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