I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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