Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
