i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
