cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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