I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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