What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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