Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
