hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He kissed a someone with a penis
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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