I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just pynch a tree in the face
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My vagina just recognized that song.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
