Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
