Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
