I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize