I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
