i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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