you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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