my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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