I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
