he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize