so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
