I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize