so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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