It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
