roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
