I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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