no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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