Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
