good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
