I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
