i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
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