so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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