She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
