i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
