Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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