Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
