Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
