There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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