I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
