We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
