you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
